Vince Vaughn & Reese Witherspoon: Promoters of Divine Truth?

Last Friday night I had a critical choice: Do I rent a movie that I want to watch, or one that will make my wife and mother of our two children happy? (This may seem like a false dichotomy, but in 10 years of dating her, we've only mutually enjoyed a handful of films.) Well, the Good Samaritan in me won out and I rented Four Christmases (two days before Mother's day). That's true love people. Or, maybe just marital wisdom. Or, maybe just common sense.

And, we both really enjoyed it. I can say this without fear of male malpractice because Vince Vaughn was the leading man. He's one of the few men who can be in a romantic comedy without nullifying a 'Man Card' in most Y chromosome schools of thought.

The movie was not only entertaining, but also an exhortation of truth. Below are five relational principles that Hollywood got right in 4Xmases:

1. Honesty happens in a healthy relationship
Brad (Vaughn) and Kate (Witherspoon) are understandably jaded about marriage and family. Both come from dysfunctional broken homes. At the beginning of the movie, Brad parrots an axiom he learned from his embittered and embattled father: "You can't spell families without lies." As the story unfolds, the cynical mantra becomes the push off for truth to prevail. A loving and growing intimacy is embedded with honesty. For many young couples however, the church seems like a place where married relationships have it all together. Consequently, when relational obstacles ensue, people tend to believe that they are uncharacteristically flawed, resulting in shame and isolation. Pretense has no business in God's economy, which means we marrieds need to practice being real. How else will people learn about grace and reconciliation?

2. Partial commitment is actually not commitment

One of the funniest parts of the film happens when an engaged couple asks Brad and Kate, "When are you planning on getting married?" To a curt response of, "Oh, no, we aren't getting married." Bewildered, the questioning fiance blurts out, "But don't you love each other?" The two, taken off guard, began to clumsily stutter through a 'party line' speech about the freedom they enjoy as a 'no strings attached' couple: "Why ruin it with an agreement that says we have to be together?" Again, this setup serves as a conceptual antagonist of a key theme that Kate championed at the climax of the movie when she proclaimed: "I'm tired of being one foot in. I want us to be open, to love each other however it's going to be. And if one day that means we get married or if we have kids one day, I feel like that's okay. I wanna be in a relationship that goes where it needs to go." The irony of a relational test drive is that it DOES have strings attached. That's why 'dating' implies temporal--the time before committing to either end or commence a relationship. It seems that in no other time in history has 'one foot in' been so celebrated. It's no wonder we're an intimately anemic culture. Fulfilling love only comes with a complete commitment.

3. Parents are still the #1 influence of healthy adult relationships
Each of the four families Brad and Kate visit (both moms and dads and their families) helps paint the commitment phobia picture that plagues them. While it's true that friends and culture play a large role in shaping a person's character and worldview, there is positively no influence more instrumental than one's parents. That's always been true and always will be--for better or worse. It's an amazing grace, and a formidable power. In a world where performance has become the number one priority of parenting, we are reminded of the simple truth: great, committed, steadfast marriages will likely reproduce the same. Or as the apostle Paul said in his letter to Galatians, "The only thing that matters is faith expressing itself in love."

4. Male mentors are an endangered species

Brad's brothers are stereotypical caricatures of MMA loving, PBR drinking, Whiskey-Tango, good-ol-boys. Which is fine. These men exist in the world and some of them are my friends, who are unwaveringly loyal and heroic. However, the chilling male relationship exists between Brad and his father, who is obviously placed as the oppugnant example. E.g., the male par excellence in America is a James Bond type who doesn't really need anybody and proves his worth by performance in the ball field, bedroom, and boardroom. Tragically, this identity continues to propagate itself and it could be the downfall of civilization as we know it. Popular literature calls it the epidemic of fatherlessness. As John Mayer put it, "Fathers, be good to your daughters, Daughters [and sons] will love like you do."

5. Men that are funny (and faithful) will beat out McFlurry every time
Brad (Vince Vaughn) is funny--real funny! When you add that to his character transformation (becoming a real, wife and child supporting, self-giving man), he is able to capture the heart of a woman like Kate (Reese Witherspoon). Frankly, I've found this truism to play out in real life most of the time. All  my good friends married way out of their proverbial league. And, they are all funny and faithful. I'm funny and faithful and Linsey is BEAUTIFUL on the inside and out! As been noted in this blog before, I don't like the McDreamy or McFlurry or whatever that is perpetuated by popular media. In the real world, egotists make others miserable. Funny people make life fun and when they are faithful, they also make life better for those around them.

Who says Hollywood can't reflect God's truth?!

Thanks Vince and Reese.